Friday, May 12, 2017

Mother's Day: Celebration, Guilt, and a Little Irony

Over the last few years, especially since my wife has become a mom, Mother's Day seems only to have become more precarious, more ambiguous, and maybe a little more ironic too. I love moms, so much that I would do anything for my own mom and I try daily to best serve the needs of my wife who is a devoted mom of two little girls. But I find it odd that with so much excitement and celebration of their dedication, with it comes guilt, shame, and even anger from so many in our churches and society. Here are a few things I've been thinking about in terms of this day.

1. Mom Guilt is No Joke - Thanks to social media and the commercialization of holidays, moms receive unwanted and undeserved pressure that they must fit an arbitrary mold in order to feel right about their work as moms. Guilt comes from feeling inadequate, and feeling like you can't measure up to a societal, Scriptural, or other standard set before you. However, the Bible never sets the standard for motherhood at perfection; rather, it is faithfulness. Time and again in the New Testament the parent is admonished to be faithful over the household, to be temperate, diligent, and trustworthy, working not for man but for the Lord (1 Tim 3:11, 5:14; Prov 31:20-28, Col. 3:23). Those adjectives have little to do with perfection but much to do with faithfulness. When we look inward and try to produce perfection, it will never happen; when we look upward and strive to be faithful in our God-given roles, we find grace, peace, and fulfillment (And by the way, this certainly applies to dads and just about anyone else in society). If you are a mom experiencing guilt because you feel like you don't measure up - it's time to change the measuring stick from you to Christ; be faithful where God has placed you and with what he has given you and you will grow in your endurance, contentment, and joy.

2. Throw More Parties - one thing is for sure, it feels good when someone throws you a party. Parties require planning, details, and time. When all you do for Mother's Day is put a cheap card in the mail, you're probably more concerned about alleviating your own guilt instead of celebrating someone else. We live in a selfish society, where we live and breathe to better ourselves, but Jesus calls us to throw parties for others. In Scripture, Jesus often was found at a dinner party, around a table with sinners, and simply enjoying the company of other people (especially the not-so-popular). Anyway, what if you rethink Mother's Day in terms of celebrating what is, instead of what's not? What if I took the focus off of what I'm trying to do to show my appreciation, and rather it was a time to pause and celebrate someone else? We will always receive more joy when we celebrate others and place the focus on them, even when it costs us. Most moms I know care little about a gift; they want time, affection, and the chance to share a table with their favorite people in the world.

3. Embrace Life that Is, Not What Could Be - many women feel an incredible sense of shame and despair this weekend because they have lost children, are unable to conceive, or have mixed feelings about the whole day in general. I understand, as my wife and I have lost a child too, but we must learn to celebrate what is instead of what isn't. While the memory of that loss doesn't disappear and while the hurt of infertility is very real, God isn't finished yet. When you sink into despair, your perspective becomes self-obsessed and you close off our turtle-shells to the world, thinking that God has cursed you and that somehow it's all your fault and that you're the only one that can fix it. It's idolatry to place all our hopes and dreams onto anything other than God, which includes a future child (or a past child), and idolatry will eventually leave us burnt out and frustrated because that idol can't do what Jesus can. Once again, Jesus calls us to shift our focus to others, not ourselves. Corrie Ten Boom, the Holocaust survivor and author, says it much better than I can. She said, "Whenever we cannot love in the old human way...God can give us the perfect way." Love life as it is, for life is too short to be consumed with what isn't or what could be.

Now I have a headache, but either way, Christians should love like no one else, should give like no one else, and should throw parties like no else too! John 15:12 says, "This is my command: love one another as I have loved you." Last time I checked, Jesus loves me a whole-heaping-lot, so that means I have to see others in the same light.

I love you Beth! I love you mom! Enjoy being celebrated. You deserve every minute of it.